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Novel hidupku.

Mungkin betul kata orang.Cinta itu buta.Buta dari sudut memandang hati dan perasaan orang lain yang menaruh harapan buat ku. Kerana hanya dirimu di mata hati ku.

Mungkin dirimu tidak menyedari yang hanya diri adalah cahaya buat hidup ku dan itu salah ku. Salah terhadap diriku sendiri dan lebih khusus lagi, hati ku. Salah hatiku dalam membiarkan perasaan sayang itu.

Hari demi hari, harapan yang dahulunya dirimu minta dariku agar aku lupakan, membina erti baru dalam perjalanan ini. Tika aku keseorangan,aku hanya mampu menatap wajahmu yang tersenyum manis walaupun itu cuma hanya sekeping gambar namun itu membina kembali senyuman yang ikhlas dari hatiku. Secebis perasaan yang aku namakan sayang yang masih terselit di sudut hatiku, mengajarku agar berdikari dan tabah meneruskan hidupku yang tergantung jiwanya bersama pemergianmu.

Mungkin kata-kataku ini tidak lagi bermakna buat mu tetapi inilah yang selalu bermain di minda ku saat ku memikirkan mu.

Walaupun hatiku menangis, tetapi aku tabahkan jua untuk tempuhi hari mendatang dengan senyuman. Walaupun itu hanya lakonan sekadar untuk menunjukkan aku kuat dan bukan diriku yang sebenarnya.

"Aku sayang pada mu". Ungkapan yang ingin aku ungkapkan untuk mu di saat ini mahupun hari-hari yang mendatang. Mungkinkah lagi engkau membenarkan aku untuk menyatakan hasrat hati ini?

Mungkin aku tersalah tafsir dalam cara ku menyatakan sayang buat mu dan itu punca buat diri mu untuk mengambil keputusan ini. Keputusan yang selama ini aku takuti dan berdoa agar dijauhkan dalam perhubungan ku bersama mu.

Maafkan aku atas kekurangan diri yang tidak sempurna seperti insan lain. Bukan niat ku untuk menyakiti mu dan bukan terlintas di fikiran ini untuk mengongkong tindakan mu. Maafkan aku atas sayang ku bagi mu keterlaluan. Mungkinkah maafku mampu membuat mu mengerti bertapa diri mu bermakna buat ku..? Maafkan aku untuk kali ini atas membiarkan emosi mengawal minda yang tidak matang ini..

Di saat itu, aku hanya mampu menangis menyesali semua yang terjadi dan hanya satu yang tinggal di hati ini, menharap diri mu memaafkan diri ini dan menerima diri ini. Itu yang aku impikan sepanjang kesempatan mengenali diri mu.

Walaupun waktu berlalu begitu pantas, tetapi hatiku tetap membisikan kalimah "Aku sayang pada mu"

::Cetusan Hati (2009)::

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Sunday (30 August)

Today...such a "wonderful" day...Haiz...after Arsenal lose the match with MU last night...2-1..and the most "lol",it was only penalty goal..such shame on u MU..1 more goal just a careless mistake made by Diaby(arsenal player) when he suddenly headed for his own goal..=.="
The way Arshavin play was such a great player..shooting far from penalty box direct to keeper and GOAL!!anyway...arsenal lack of creativity..maybe because Fabregas didn't play during last night...

haiz....

1 more thing...I dont wake up to have some food for sahur...such a weeeeeeird..I never miss to sahur but today..I wake up around 9 o'clock!!

Waaaalaaah...such a "early" for me to have some study session...

God...give me energy...give me strength for me to face the future and mostly for today...
Ameen...

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OMG!

Today...already 27th of august...and..I still being so lazy to done what I suppose to finish off..

ZzZ...Trial already around the corner but again...haiz...

I need some space to restore back my memories (all my knowledge regarding my studies)...hopefully..I have enough time to do all those revision before this coming trial exam...

I will and I will prove it...

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I Hope You Like this...

You whisper in my ear
"We can't go on like this."
But there's something good about us,
I know it.

I'm not gonna give up on you,
But I'm not a little girl anymore.

If I could tell you how much I love you,
Could we be happy? I'm not a hero, you know.

Where I live, none of the hip skirts fit me.
But if you were here, I wouldn't care.

I see you, all confused and alone,
I try to look tough and I try not to care.
While deep down in my heart,
I can't stand seeing you like this.

If I could tell you how much I love you,
What would you do? I'm such a selfish jerk.

If I could tell you how much I love you,
Could we be happy? I'm so scared.

If I could tell you how much I love you,
What would you do? Maybe...

Maybe you'd know the truth...
You know...

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Pieces of memories

I can’t get you out of my head, time won’t stop for me
This empty heart still can’t find your emotions

Even though you can’t paint the same picture twice
My feelings just keep on repeating themselves

Let me hear a “love song,” I gazed at the side of your face
I want to know you, it’s too late, we’ve already met

No matter how lonely I get, I feel like I can see you again
Reasons are unnecessary, I know I can never go back

If this keeps up, I’ll be left behind and forgotten, won’t I?
My feelings glittered inside my tears

Let me hear a “love song,” though I know your face
Is gazing at somebody else now

I’ll swear an oath, like singing and believing you can give me wings
I decided to accept everything in the past

I sing a “love song” to myself, I want to touch that smile
Though I know you’re gazing at somebody else now

The “love song” won’t end, it’s too late, we’ve already met
…it won’t end …LOVE & TRUTH

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memories keep chasing me...

VERSE 1:
Because I'm so stupid and such a fool
My eyes don't see nobody but you
Even though I know you love someone else
You could never know the pain that I felt
Oh oh oh

VERSE 2:
You probably never think of me at all
And I know we have no memories
But the one who really wants you is me
In the end only my tears will fall

BRIDGE 1:
I stay, you walk away
I stand back, watching you day by day
You can't see that I'm so in love with you
Like the wind you just fly right through (ohhhhh)

CHORUS 1:
There are days when I just miss you so much
There are days when I just long for your touch
"I love you" somehow flies right off my lips and so
Once again I'm left crying for you
Once again I'm left here missing you
Baby I love you I'm waiting for you

VERSE 3:
You'll probably never have a dream of me
And I know I'm in love all alone
That's why we don't really have memories
In the end, I'll make them all on my own

BRIDGE 2:
Love's like a river of tears
That will flow whenever you're not here
Even though your heart will never be mine
It's enough just seeing you smile

CHORUS 2:
There are days when I see nothing but rain
There are days when I just feel so much pain
"I miss you" somehow flies right off my lips and so
Once again I'm left wishing for you
Once again I'm left here missing you
Baby I love you I'm waiting for you

VERSE 4:
Bye, bye, never say goodbye
Even though it's not me by your side
I need you, I just can't say it but I want you
I cannot stop wishing for you

CHORUS 3:
There are days when I just miss you so much
There are days when I just long for your touch
"I love you" somehow flies right off my lips and so
Once again I'm left crying for you
There are days when I see nothing but rain
There are days when I just feel so much pain
"I miss you" somehow flies right off my lips and so
Once again I'm left wishing for you
Once again I'm left here missing you
Baby I love you I'm waiting for you

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Ahlan Wasahlan Ya Ramadhan..

Assalamualaikum...hari ini...post pertamaku dibulan yg mulia ini..

bermulanya bulan yang penuh berkat ini,aku berharap dapat memajukan pemikiran serta membaiki tingkah laku ku..

terhadap....semua orang..semalam...malam pertama setelah setahun merindui solat terawih...

entah mengapa..hatiku sebak mengenangkan kisah lalu..mungkin..aku harus mengambil iktibar dari kisah dahulu..

biarkan pengalaman menjadi pengajaran dalam membimbing aku menghadapi hidup di dunia ini disamping bermacam karenah manusia dan segalanya...

ku memohon agar Ramadhan kali ini memberi 1001 makna bagiku...

Trial..kini...tinggal lebey kurang xsampai 1bulan lg...aku berjanji..aku buktikan apa yg telah aku mulakan...sebagai pelajar...

sampai disini dahulu..Assalamualaikum

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Almost...

zzz... It was a week after I started my holiday..what can I say...It was sooooo them busy with homework..=.~*

homework everywhere...chasing me to finish them early..

Is that suppose to call as SAM?? hurm...

now I realise how big mistake that I've done in my life...and again...It can't be corrected..haiz..

If I know SAM was not really like these, I won't choose to do so...It's better study at UTP..haiz...sigh#.#*

God...please guide me...back to your path...ameen...

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I really......

I don't know why I suppose post this song..but it really catching my ears..haha




mybe because in my heart still have a piece that I call hope...maybe...

I.....miss her...even though it's hurt....
wahai insan....dengarlah kata hatiku melalui lagu ini...

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Disini aku masih sendiri
merenungi hari-hari sepi
Aku tanpamu
Masih tanpamu

Bila esok hari datang lagi
Ku coba untuk hadapi semua ini
Meski tanpamu, Oo… meski tanpamu

Bila aku dapat bintang yang berpijar
Mentari yang tenang bersamaku disini
Ku dapat tertawa menangis merenung
di tempat ini aku bertahan

Suara dengarkanlah aku
Apa kabarnya pujaan hatiku
Aku disini menunggunya
masih berharap di dalam hatinya

Suara dengarkanlah aku
Apakah aku slalu dihatinya
Aku disini menunggunya
masih berharap di dalam hatinya

Kalau aku masih tetap disini
Ku lewati semua yang terjadi
Aku menunggumu, oo… aku menunggu

Suara dengarkanlah aku
Apa kabarnya pujaan hatiku
Aku disini menunggunya
Masih berharap didalam hatinya

Suara dengarkanlah aku
Apakah aku ada dihatinya
Aku disini menunggunya
Masih berharap didalam hatinya

Suara dengarkanlah aku
Apa kabarnya pujaan hatiku
Aku disini menunggunya
masih berharap di dalam hatinya

Oo…
Suara dengarkanlah aku

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Yeah....Its true...

I wonder what should I express in this post...

I got it..haha..

erm...until today...I'm didn't try my "Exora" yet..hehe...

I mean...my father never let me try..sigh...

I guess because that mpv still "hot" and he would never let me scratch it..haha...

bydaway...I wonder why I so crazy to drive..haha..myb after sooooo long riding my motorcycle...

zzzz...

and thanx because she still accept me even as friend..n yeah...its ok....

have a nice holiday...all my friend out there^^v

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Show It....

erm...Today...I've learn some important mistake all along my journey of life..

" xsuka just ckp xsuka...xperlu jdi hipokrit trima n cakap bg chance sbab nanti mmang nk tggalkn jgk"

that phrase make me so damn sad because of someone that I accept to be my life partner did that to me..

maybe I'm did wrong in the way I'm serve you..thats my fault...

It's hurt to accept all these after I start to begging some hope from you...

It's better to said it at the beginning because it more easier to accept..and you don't need to be such hypocrite to the person that really hope you can love him..with full of heart...

Tears from my eyes can easily swept out... but If it's from my heart..It would never stop..would never....

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Today...14 August 2009

I'm going home this night..wish da best for me and reach home safely...

I gonna miss casa..er..even for 1week XD...

I gonna miss her too...I can't pretend that I'm hate her..that the fact..she give me chance to learn what was love all about..even it's hurt...

THAT THE FACT DUDE..lol!

erm...life so unpredictable..haha...Always used those sentence in my journal writing.lol..

My lecturer said in her comment that..it's full with feeling and clearly describe what life was all about..haha...

I wish to post it here later...and again...sory for my grammar mistake....I'm not good writer actually but...I try my best to improve my writing and also fluency...help me guys..huhu

I suppose to packing my bag but..hah...let express my feeling first..Don't know why so sudden I really love to write..haha...

maybe the feel of relieve make me so happy to write..haha...

and I suppose to reach home tomorrow morning...around 4-5 a.m. huh...such a tired journey I guess..but home sweet home...hahaha...

Bye2 casa.. life must go on dude...live with what you suppose to have and we surely can't control the way life flows..haha..

All would be memories and reminder for yourself...so take it...

Mom...Dad...I'm coming...

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All Done...

Lastly...all done..I'm done what suppose I did..So relieve now..
should or should not..no more guilty...good bye day-Yui

even though it's hurt to accept what suppose reality is going on..but we have to face it...

now...only 1more pieces that remain in my dark side...and only that responsible side make it clear for everything..

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GTH for DA (Do I Care?)

Wonder why I use that title?

GTH - Go to hell

DA- stupid guy (so-called asshole)

DA- shitty guy that I've ever meet..

I wonder..where he put her knowledge about Islam..lost?haha

aliran agama..tp? hah

know that dye hair is illegal in Islam..so as muslim..we should not do that!..

but him?lol...still doing so even though know it...lol...how come...

so desperate to be Cloud Strife? hah..again..show how stupid he is...let anime be anime la dol..

we are here...in reality...did you know what means reality?

reality means you are shitty guy and asshole man..

so again..you know who are you(that shit guy always said this)

so..take it..you're damn asshole(DA)...

and I reaaaaaallllllly don't care about your feeling because...you heartless and meaningless to me..

--Do I Care?--

for you DA(damn asshole)

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today?

Today...I'm quite happy with every single thing that happen...so smooth..2figures that so damn shit not appeared today...Thank God for that...erm..our class decided to make some event for tomorrow..

yeah!come guys...

Dare to fight with us?come to our booth..C21..this wednesday... for an armwresling showdown..just for Rm2 stand a chance to win RM20 worth of cash..Also on this day..we are offering "dance-dance revolution"..pick ur partner and strut your stuff..You can choose from either versus mode or single mode..so..dont miss this chance..enjoy!remember..just for this coming charity day^^


____________________________________________________

just for tomorrow...
enjoy^^

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watch my words friend!

Dont ever talk about friendship with me.. If you...Yourself don't understand what friendship is all about...and beware...once you make me hurt..I will paid it twice..

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Judge it with your mind.

Me(3:17:44 AM): ouwh~
btul2, biar org nk kate pe, aslkn dri sndri bahagia~:D
Me (3:19:05 AM): wnder how i know?
Target (3:25:10 AM): oh
Target (3:25:16 AM): cmne ko tau?
::And I Ask for conference::
Me (3:27:05 AM): asl xnk join cnfrnce?
Target (3:27:17 AM): btpe?
Me (3:27:45 AM): xyh tnye
Target (3:28:29 AM): yg ko still nk stalk die lg nape?
Target (3:28:36 AM): bkn ko mrh sgt kt die ke?
Me (3:28:44 AM): ske ati aku
::ade hati nk ckp org stalk,dia leyh lak suka hati nk like(after this),pstu nk ckp rg stalk..mengong betoi la::
Target (3:28:51 AM): ok
Me (3:29:13 AM): btulla ape yg aku sgka sblum ni
Target (3:29:22 AM): oh
Target (3:29:30 AM): pe yg ko sngke btul?
Me (3:29:41 AM): xde pe2
Me (3:29:44 AM): xperlu thu
Target (3:29:53 AM): ok
::after a while::
Me (11:19:22 AM): aku bkn xleyh trma ko sbgai kwn cm dlu
Me (11:19:24 AM): tp
Me (11:19:48 AM): thu sbb pe aku tpkse mgkir jnji?
Me (11:20:07 AM): sbb ko still sme
Me (11:20:21 AM): buat aku mcm aku yg mryu nk kwn balik
Me (11:20:42 AM): ko igt aku xbce each komen ko kt fara
Me (11:20:51 AM): xkshla
Me (11:21:05 AM): komen ko buat aku pk 2kli
Target (11:23:27 AM): asl ko pk 2 kali?
Target (11:23:31 AM): still tak caye ak lg?
Target (11:23:33 AM): up 2 u
::After what you did,can you still be trusted?Think it friend,I give you chance..but same?::
::another topic::
Me (11:28:17 AM): then ape tjuan ko like ?
Target (11:29:06 AM): tak bleh ke if die yg nk cmtu, n ak like
Target (11:29:08 AM): slh ke?
~bley lak tnye slh ke x..xsedar lg rupenye...if die nk..n like it?sbb mmg dr dlu nk tgok me have nthing with her kn? itu friend yg ckp nk jdi kwn baek tu(wah...bkn maen ayat)::
Target (11:29:16 AM): as a fren la weyh
Target (11:29:20 AM): ko igt ak ni bf die ke
Me (11:31:35 AM): friend..
Me (11:31:38 AM): haha
Me (11:31:42 AM): dah la
Target(11:32:28 AM): ak dgn die kwn je
Target (11:32:29 AM): btullah
Target (11:32:33 AM): yg ko pk len asl

::after I analyse my conversation, I got something..yah...U still can't be trusted..then...ckp org lain putar belit..spe skg lidah bercabang "kawan"?so mne bukti..tnjuk skit yg ko bkn cm aku ckp..tgok aku tipu ke x..cpt kwn..haha::

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Lol-ing

I though that stupid girl never read my blog..haha...myb someone else that damn coward stalking my blog...then spread my post...

You(shit) should read this...must....it's bout you..(creepy voice)

blablabla....add here....add there..make thing be for complicated...

make her(lame) more shitty...OMG...I've found da best word for those people...shuffler...haha...

mix-up all wrong perception to make 1 suitable ingredient as lies and being a damn great liar in century...even mask magician can't do this...hahaha...

revealed the truth babe...yeah..I hate you..

the most biggest secret finally revealed...

if that mask magician can reveal someone personality...absolutely I will ask him to reveal that shitty girl and all those creeps....

1 day I will show and reveal whose I mean..coming next...the biggest show..hahaha

Let me observe some data collected from my observer first..and..that day nothing can stop me to do so...deal my "friend"?

>>Peace<<

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To Be...or Not To Be...

erm...2posts in one day...actually...previous post wasn't what I gonna to talk...

I suppose to write about something else...but...you...make me post that creepy things...

Almost 1 month I'm thinking that what should I do if I'm don't get what I wish to be..

I'm not planning any plan B for backup...seriously I'm afraid...1month from now...one sub biggest exam will come...TRIAL...

Now I really realise that I'm wasting my scholar here...I'm not a good student..like others....but I wish to do better than this...

I really don't know with part I should put more effort...dilemma...every time I think about this...I remember my parents at home...how disappointed they are if I'm not doing well here...

I hope my wish will come true...but...It's like hard to force back...

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Should Or Should Not... To Be or Not To Be....

Today....like usual...nothing different...

same like last week...nothing unusual...n again...nothing special...for today...I guess so....

again...I'm thinking exactly the same thing each week...why must we have some sort of friend..I mean...special friend....GF or BF....

Why?erm....each heart got their own reason...

for me...is that any strong reason to accept it after all thing that they had done to me...They here means...girls....

waiting...so2 long I'm waiting for them...but suddenly..says I'm sorry...I'm not belongs to you..lol...

If that your fucking reason...then don't accept...it easier to forget those damn stupid thing about you rather than after you say you accept me..

my feeling is not like what u're thinking off..my feeling is priceless...but your love fucking cheap...

today with that guy...tomorrow another guy...next week another guy...LOL!

like pasar malam...push there...push here...see that guy handsome...fall in love...see that guy rich....found new love...never stick to someone...show ur true love...never...what I see...fake...fake..and fake...lastly fuck...

Dont think you're so clever...One day...I believe...what goes around comes around..and wait till your turn...you will feel how damn pain and hurt to be victim...

I curse you! You know whose I mean...

bydaway...thanx because give me chance to curse you..hahaha

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Fever....

I'm alone at my room..wondering why out of sudden almost 25% of my class didn't go to class including me...

For sure...all of them not feeling well..is that the weather now on unpredictable?...

I think so...I can feel the changes of the earth...after man trying to develop themselves that also so-called as mankind...

because of them...the innocent people..feel its impact...

sometime...it's hot...and something rapidly changes....I still remember..

One day...it's so damn hot...burning my skin....my fault coz I though that day won't be like that..back to the topic... suddenly change...that evening...raining...

cough...fever...flu....all attacking me at the same time...please God...Not H1N1....hopefully...

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Enough......and Thanks....

Enough for every single words...thanx for everything...2009 is the most suck and damn hurt year...

I wonder why all of this...where's luck goes...still wonder why all this happen...one by one...leaving...make me feel so lonely...

Alone...my heart stood alone in darkness of night...without anyone that can hold me tight when i feel loneliness...

Again its break my heart into pieces that can't never be combine and heal...

Thanx for everything that you had done to me...that I call as girl...my soul partner...girls that never appreciate what I've try to make for them..

I wonder why should I feel hurt when I trying to make them smile back and enjoy their pieces of life...

I give sweet...but they give pain...killing me slowly and killing my trust and soul to them..

Enough...











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