[Mode: Iyaz-Reply]

This gonna be one entry partly confession maybe?..Just ignore da part that might be over-broad self-conscious-feeling-falling...just sometime it's like burden to me to think and think and blablabla feel like to crying but no more air mata..

Always be like this kan?

Susah..and I don't really expert to explain words by sentence or what so ever about my feeling towards myself or someone else that make tersuka or just suka-suka or main-main..susah nak explain..sedey ke..happy ke..want to smile or just acting nothing happen...in other meaning..no heart feeling...no some sort of rase dat so called as love ke sayang ke..dan sewaktu dengannya...immune?

Argh...memang susah aku nak bercakap pasal hati especially to stranger or friend or anyone..meaning to say..tak ada dalam kamus hidup or perbualan aku that consist of this words..[love, miss you, i love you, suka, like, crush, and what so ever yang se daerah dengannya..]..tak ade..melainkan itu semua hanya kata-kata tanpa perasaan...dan if..if..those yang around me keep..and keep saying those included words..aku jadi muak...dah habis muak..aku senang je.."kepala hotak lah, aku tak suka, get it?"..simple dan padat jawapan aku...

It don't just a word to me actually..I hate those words..sumpah..bila terngiang je perkataan-perkataan tu..those belakang-belakang punya memories mula lah gatal nak keluar..semak...overfloat in my mind....I don't like it..just don't..I don't know how to express da feeling of that don't..

Biar..aku rasa patut biar..keras hati dari terima..keras to keluar those feeling..sue me...aku memilih jugak..sumpah..semua must in list...xde reject..lantak..haha...life aku simple...maybe?

Tak tahu celah mane aku kena, mesti confess those I though not suppose to said..aku sendiri pun tak tahu perasaan aku...takkan nak tanya orang pula kan?..feel stupid sometime..and someone can explain it p
lease?..bila mana..aku tengok semua tulis status jiwang dekat fb...couple here couple there..letak gambar sana..in relation sana sini...entri blog pasal si dia..si polan..si heart..si A..hubby..ntah jadah lagi..aku rasa something..nak cakap terasa..terasa what..I don't know..tak tahu nak explain in words...because..I just wonder.."Is that 20 and above we should have someone to take care of or being care of?"

Ntah..kadang-kadang tuh..jalan dalam kolej kediaman..nampak dia tu berkepit..dia ni soSial nak mampus...dia tu pulak jalan sekali..sembang sekali dan sebagainya...ah...ape aku rasa ni!!!..empty?oh my god..for God sake..aku tak pernah macam ni..kadang-kadang immune..kadang-kadang feel like stupid...for now memang aku letak 100% komitmen to study..no matter what..tapi..until when?..versus between my soul..

Tengok orang tu jalan with someone..sana sini..kiri kanan..then..suddenly..eh..aku jalan sorang je..nobody..sometime..I try my best..to fight that feeling...set back the purpose..tapi each time macam tu..macam mana?..versus beyond reality maybe..sampai bila aku kena acting like tipu diri sendiri..I don't have exact answer..

Till then...itu je..lagi tulis..lagi I keep remembering what I suppose untuk lupakan selamanya...T_T

P.S: If I could be someone else...

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