Pernah aku duduk termenung sejenak di luar beranda..

Pemikiranku pergi bersama alunan merdu nukilan KITARO.

semua terjadi begitu pantas...

kenapa aku yang mesti menangung semua ini...

kenapa aku yang mesti hadapi semua ini...

kenapa aku mesti lain dari yang lain...lain itu tidak istimewa...

adakah aku tidak layak mendapat kebahagian seperti orang lain...

kawan2 gembira disamping keluarga...tapi aku....

I hope my family would be the same..

tp apakan daya...itu hanya pengharapan yang mungkin tidak ada penghujung...

tiada siapa yang memahami diri ini....

tiada siapa yang menyayangi diri ini...

aku hampir putus asa dalam hidup...

kenapa harus aku diuji sebegini...Oh Tuhan....dengarlah kata hatiku ini...

sudahlah diuji dengan dugaan hidup...

kawan2 yang sedikit pun tidak pernah memahami diri ini..

rasa diri ini amat2 bodoh....diperlakukan begini..

harapan ku terhadap si dia untuk menunjukkan secebis kasih sayang pun laksana menunggu buah pisang berbuah lagi..entah dimana penghujungnya...aku cuma mengharap seseorang itu serius dalam perhubungan...kejujuran...keikhlasan hati...menyanyangi diri ku yang tidak sempurna ini....tetapi....

kenapa aku harus diberi layanan begini....kenapa....

kenapa aku tidak layak diberi perhatian seperti orang lain dapat...kenapa...

apa lagi kekurangan diri ini...

tidak cukupkah kekurangan yang sedia ada....

aku perlukan seorang insan berhati murni...sangat memerlukan insan yang mampu memberi perhatian serta mampu tunjukkan apa itu erti kasih sayang terhadap diri ini yang amat menagih untuk disayangi...

wahai insan yang baik hati...tunjukkanlah aku apa itu erti kasih sayang....

wahai kalian...cukuplah perlakukan aku begini...

aku tak berdaya lagi....

harapanku untuk mendapat sedikit ketenangan dirumah...semua bertukar...bertukar sama sekali dari apa yang aku impikan...keluarga yang bahagia...menanti kepulangan aku...hari2 yang penuh makna bersama keluarga yang aku impikan bagaikan angan2..

semuanya lain dari apa yang aku jangkakan...sedikit ketenangan yang didambakan...tetapi segunung kesengsaraan jiwa yang perlu aku lalui..

hari2 yang ku harapkan dapat ku luangkan bersama keluarga dengan penuh makna seperti orang lain...semuanya hanyalah mainan minda..

aku dambakan kasih sayang dua insan yang ku gelar Ayah dan Ibu....bukan aku tak memahami...adik2 lagi memerlukan...tapi...tiada secebis nilai kasih sayangkah untuk aku?

kenapa keluarga lain bahagia....kenapa aku tidak dapat sama seperti yang lain...kenapa....

kenapa dulu sekeluarga boleh luangkan masa bersama-sama...

pergi berkelah..makan angin..laungkan masa bersama...tetapi sekarang...kenapa harus berubah...

hari2 yang ku sangka dapat menenangkn perasaan dari tekanan belajar...

rupa-rupanya menambahkan lagi beban yang tak sanggup lagi aku hadapi...

kasih sayang......kenapa aku tidak pernah rasainya kini...

tunjukkanlah walaupun secebis untuk aku merasainya nikmatnya kasih sayang yang orang lain mampu miliki...

ku harap ini dapat mengurangkan beban pengharapan yang aku alami untuk dapatkan sesuatu yang dipanggil kasih sayang..walaupun ini tidak dapat mengubah apa2 tetapi begitulah kata hati yang selalu mengharap...

moga-moga pengharapan yang ku harap tidak menjadi mimpi semata2...

tunjukkan aku apa erti kasih sayang...

kata hati tetap menjadi kata hati....

Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn't so. Personally, I've had moments where I'll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I'll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our 'issues,' some 'issues' are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.

Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your 'buttons' are, and push them to get what they want.

* Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don't necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.

2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them "It isn't always about you."

* Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.

3. Debbie Downers: These people can't appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they'll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.

* Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.

4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people's unique perspectives refreshing, they find them 'wrong'. If you like someone's eclectic taste, they find it 'disturbing' or 'bad'.

* Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.

5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can't do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.

* Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.

6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a 'there, there' type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.

* Why they are toxic: People who aren't sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won't be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.

7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.

* Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don't respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.

8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.

* Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.

All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don't see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.

Source: Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance,

Huhuhu...after 1sem...now come another sem to be tested...
How far I prepared for this coming exam?

huh...i think not even half...aiya....

asyik msg ngn jawab set aje.....tp ok la jgk...sambil habeskn set2 soalan yang diberi...boley semak note that given by lecturers..so, being prepared jugak la for common ways being ask nanti...

but...time for studies tu..i don't know nk curi time ape lg...

balik dri college..letey..rehat kejap..da almost 4 o'clock..after finish 2set physic questions..da kul 6lebey...

HUH...penat2...

malam..set math or spec math pulak...makan(xpenah miss),walaupun xnaek2...tp ade la jgk...

erm...then...buat hw yang ade..so,if habes awal...itu aje time untuk study...tp..bkn smue sbjct bley habes...huhu..

i need time...please give me some....

itu aje utk kali ni...huhu


see u next time with my boring experience everyday...mayb sometime nk kne tulis yang special lak..huhu...

What's happen

Last night,i opened my facebook account,there was nothing happen...

but this morning.9.25 am, everything changed.

i can't even log in into my account and more worst, it had been disable for some reason.

I don't now what the reason it's, but so far...there was nothing illegal "thing" that i had done.

How come suddenly get ban or disable my account..

How damn I am doing that "thing" that make someone to report it..

What I did?

====really angry regarding this problem====

Cinta

Itu Indah

Tp...

Anda Tahu bile hadir?

Keikhlasan Hati membuktikannya..

How sweet it is?

Nothing can describe it..

Luahan hati berkata...

"Oh...si dia sayang diri ini.."

how much?

Ikhlas ke?

Love makes everyone special from others.

Dont ask me..

I never feel it..

Feel being love by someone...

Lonely...

Jealous...

I cant get like others..

Searching for that "special"...

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